


The Girl That Broke Me

by foalss



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-16 02:15:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17540723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foalss/pseuds/foalss
Summary: People break up. Relationships end. Yoo Jeongyeon just never expected it to happen with hers.





	The Girl That Broke Me

She didn’t quite know when it started. She should’ve seen the signs. Should’ve seen it coming. “I guess love really is blind,” she thinks to herself. There were definitely signs, but she always chose to ignore them. Chose to be stubborn. She chose to keep living a lie, in denial of reality.

 

She tells herself that it wasn’t meant to be, that fate would never have let them be together. That destiny didn’t favor her during this life. She puffs out a breath of air: “Who am I kidding? It was me all along.” Because she couldn’t blame Nayeon for leaving. For choosing that girl over her. Who wouldn’t? She was better than Jeongyeon in all aspects, in every way she could think of. No, it wasn’t Nayeon’s fault for falling in love with another girl. It was her fault, for not being good enough.

 

Jeongyeon lifted the bottle to her lips, tipping it upwards so the toxic liquid could quench her sorrow. It was empty, nothing came out. A dull anger consumed her and she flung it across the room, the bottle landing against the kitchen counter and shattering into countless pieces. Breaking the bottle gave her a momentary second of violent joy, before she slumped even further into the worn-out couch. The television was on, showing some sappy rom-com that Jeongyeon couldn’t bother watching anymore.

 

She looked at the couch, it’s torn and tattered exterior hiding years of stains, spills, and food crumbs. Jeongyeon remembered the first time they had sex on the couch, it was barely a week after Nayeon moved in and they started a new chapter of their lives together. She remembered how they cuddled every night to watch movies, with only the heat from one another’s bodies to keep them warm.

 

Then she remembered how she came home one night, tired after being on her feet the entire day, only to see her girlfriend writhing and moaning under some stranger’s naked body. On that very fucking couch she was slouching on. Except that it wasn’t some stranger that was screwing her girlfriend in her own house, no it definitely wasn’t. She had seen that girl before, multiple times in fact.

 

Jeongyeon seethed at the thought of that woman again.

 

“Fucking whore.”

 

She remembered standing in the living room in shock, as the adulterous pair scrambled to gather their clothes. How that damned woman smirked as she walked past her and left their apartment.

 

She recalled how Nayeon didn’t have anything to say, except a rather insincere “sorry”. Somehow Jeongyeon was the one who ended up sleeping on a spare mattress that night, tossing and turning as she tried to wrap her head around that night’s events.

 

She knew their relationship had been wavering. It had been for a couple of months now. Something wasn’t right, but Jeongyeon couldn’t figure out why, and how to fix it. Sometimes Nayeon would be grumpy, and other times she would be mad. At times she would be relentlessly distant, and a few rare moments she would actually be her normal bubbly self.

 

She had just assumed Nayeon was stressing out from work and did try asking her if she wanted to talk about it, but Nayeon had brushed her off repeatedly. She tried asking Nayeon’s friends, but nobody could really give her any plausible answers.

 

They fought constantly, Nayeon’s late homecomings the main cause of their arguments. It wasn’t so much as the timings she reached home, but more so the fact she never really gave any proper reasons for coming home that late. It was always something along the lines of “I had supper with a friend.” or “I had to finish some assignments.”. All lies. Yet she backed off, gave her girlfriend the benefit of the doubt. Jeongyeon just trusted that Nayeon would open up in her own time, so she never pressed her further.

 

“I’m a fucking fool.”

 

“You can never trust Im Nayeon.” – Sana.

 

She told herself not to give up. Countless nights of crying herself to sleep, telling herself not to worry. That Nayeon probably had a legitimate reason for her behavior. Maybe it was a family issue. Maybe it was a ghost from the past. Maybe it was something else. Either way, it wasn’t her place to ask. Even if they’re supposed to tell one another everything.

 

“Everyone has their own demons.”

 

They haven’t been okay for months. She can’t remember having an actual, genuine conversation with Nayeon. And sometimes she can’t help but think Nayeon might not be in love with her anymore. But that’s not right. Because she promised, didn’t she? Promised to love her forever and then some. She said the same thing back then. And Jeongyeon still feels the same way. Yet Jeongyeon can’t deny the sinking feeling in her chest that Nayeon has changed since then. That she might not be the biggest person in Nayeon’s heart anymore. Maybe it was all a lie. Maybe Nayeon never meant anything she said. Because people are like that. People lie.

 

“And Im Nayeon always lies.”

 

She doesn’t question Nayeon at all when she comes home one night, drunk out of her mind. Jeongyeon can smell the revolting stench of alcohol from a mile away. Yet she doesn’t ask her anything, doesn’t press her for any answers. Her heart pains and her mind tells her that she shouldn’t, but Jeongyeon keeps quiet anyway. It’s useless to get into an argument at 3 in the morning anyway. It’s not like Nayeon can even think straight, being this drunk.

 

So Jeongyeon silently helps her to their room. Strips her of her clothes, and slips her into a comfy pair of pajamas. Gently rests her on their bed, pulling the blankets over her and up to her neck. Jeongyeon leaves the room for a minute, coming back with a cup of water and a wet towel. She silently dabs the towel around Nayeon’s face, gently caressing her swollen cheeks. Jeongyeon takes a moment to appreciate Nayeon’s features, her softly resting eyelids, those cheeks of hers that she’s pinched a thousand times before. Those lips that she can never get enough of. And she’s reminded of how much she loves this girl. How much her heart pains when they’re having relationship troubles. Because all Jeongyeon wants is Nayeon by her side.

 

It’s gotten worse. Nayeon came home drunk a lot more frequently. And during the days, she never wanted to hang out. But that’s okay right? Everyone needs their own space. Maybe Jeongyeon was being insufferable, for some reason. Suffocating, as Nayeon had called her before, during one of their big fights.

 

Jeongyeon didn’t really blame her, anyone would have said the same thing. I mean, when you have to live with a perfectionist, a clean freak with obsessive compulsive disorder that’s also filled with anxiety issues and consistent overthinking, it’s definitely suffocating. And Nayeon needed space to breathe, so that’s exactly what Jeongyeon gave her.

 

Looking back Jeongyeon thought that maybe she gave her too much space. Backed off so much that she started seeming distant and uncaring, uninvolved and uninterested in their relationship. Then again, it helped. Nayeon was happier, more cheerful in the mornings and she didn’t explode as often. You could tell in her smile.

 

That smile. That smile that never failed to make Jeongyeon’s heart flutter and her knees weak. The big bunny toothed smile where her eyes would thin and her nose would be scrunched, her mouth in the exact shape of a crescent moon, and where her gums would be exposed.

 

The only problem was that the smile was never because of her. It was never directed at her either. No, it was because Nayeon had met someone new.

 

Myoui Mina.

 

The new girl at work. A Japanese intern, fresh out of university. Dazzlingly beautiful, exotic, a work of art. Perfect proportions, with the most hypnotic eyes you could find. Her lips, so seductively tempting. Her smile could light up any room she walked into. Yet somehow, she was so irresistibly adorable, so soft that you wanted to walk over and squeeze her to death. She was innocently childish too, finding joy in simple things like playing computer games and dogs.

 

At least that was how Nayeon described her. Jeongyeon could only describe her as trouble. She had sensed it from a mile away. Because the way Nayeon talked about Mina, reminded Jeongyeon of the way she used to talk about Jeongyeon. And the way Nayeon’s gaze always fell on Mina. Jeongyeon recognized the way Nayeon stared. It was the exact way Jeongyeon would catch Nayeon staring at her, before they started dating. How Nayeon would gaze at Mina for a few seconds, and then instantly look away if she turned her head. How Nayeon always paid her full attention to Mina whenever she talked.

 

Nayeon’s face would light up whenever she saw Mina, or whenever Mina’s name was mentioned in any conversation. And soon after, she was going out with her during her free time. It reached the point where Nayeon would invite Mina out during their date nights, to go along with them for dinner and movies and whatnot.

 

Now it wasn’t that Jeongyeon disliked Mina, but date nights were special to her. It was their alone time as a couple, and Jeongyeon guessed Mina could tag along a couple of times, but having Mina as a third-wheel on more than half of their date nights was getting on Jeongyeon’s nerves. Yet she never complained, never made any noise. Because Nayeon had found a new friend, and Jeongyeon never wanted to take anything away from that. Didn’t want to come across as a selfish, jealous, or worse, a controlling girlfriend. No, Nayeon could be friends with who she wanted, even if it made Jeongyeon insecure. Looking back, she guessed it wouldn’t have hurt to be a little selfish.

 

Maybe it was the fact that Jeongyeon never made it an issue, that caused Nayeon to think she didn’t care or bother about their relationship. Well, any normal girlfriend would be unhappy if their partner spent more time and attention on someone else. Maybe Nayeon just assumed Jeongyeon didn’t care anymore. It was the logical explanation after all.

 

So maybe she shouldn’t have been that surprised to come home one night, and find Mina’s fingers inside Nayeon. The moans of their sinful lovemaking filling the living room of their small apartment. When she saw Mina’s shoes at the doorway, she just assumed Nayeon had invited her over for a movie or something. It wasn’t the first time Mina had visited them anyway.

 

Jeongyeon wondered how many times Mina had visited when she was away at work. The day she caught them definitely wasn’t the first. Not to mention, how many times they’ve already fucked behind her back. From the looks of it, it was a pretty common activity for the two. She never bothered to ask Nayeon, it was too painful at first. Her heart was broken, and she didn’t need to shatter it further with details and such. It would’ve been too painful.

 

Yet the most screwed up thing was that Jeongyeon was willing to forgive Nayeon. She was desperate to make things work. She treasured this relationship more than anything, and Nayeon was her entire world. She never blamed Nayeon that much, because in her mind she must’ve done something wrong to trigger Nayeon’s actions. Maybe it was something she said, maybe it was something she did. It didn’t matter now though, because their relationship was non-existent.

 

“I wasn’t good enough.”

 

Looking at her current situation, she laughed rabidly to herself. Who was she trying to kid? Jeongyeon was never good enough in the first place. I mean, she didn’t have that great a job, never went to university, was never really that talented at anything. She was well, average.

 

Myoui Mina was everything Jeongyeon wasn’t. Irresistibly cute, yet incredibly sexy as well. Had the body of a goddess and the face of an angel. Graduated from university with top grades, and had managed to get a job at a pretty influential company. Not to mention Mina did ballet too. And she was good at it. Really good. Who wouldn’t have fallen for her, that was the real question.

 

Jeongyeon was dumb really, to even think she had any chance when someone like her was in the equation. There were so many things Jeongyeon couldn’t do, and the things she could do, Mina could do infinitely better.

 

It’s been weeks since she’s talked to anybody. Or more specifically, had a proper conversation with anyone. The first few days after Nayeon broke up with her she had locked herself in and refused leave the apartment. After all, she didn’t need to see the world anymore, when hers was shattered and broken anyway. Jihyo had tried to visit her on the fourth day, when she was finally free from work. Had gotten fed up of calling and texting her only to receive vague answers and missed calls.

 

So Jihyo had showed up in the evening on a Thursday night, knocking at the door and pleading with Jeongyeon to let her in. Jeongyeon never answered, instead choosing to turn up the television volume until she could no longer hear Jihyo’s relentless knocking. Jihyo had stayed outside for almost an hour, before finally giving up and going home exhausted. The next day Jihyo showed up with Momo, both of them pleading for Jeongyeon to let the pair in. The knocking had woken her from her sleep, and she didn’t hesitate to just go back to bed. After a few days neither of them tried to visit anymore. Had finally given up, like they should have from the beginning. I mean, they both had their own lives to get on with. There wasn’t any point in trying to save someone already fallen so far. Jeongyeon wasn’t worth it anyway. She was broken beyond repair.

 

So Jeongyeon sits there, reminiscing about past memories both good and bad, happy and sad. Her tears fall constantly from her red and swollen eyes, and her lips are cracked and dry. Her hair’s in a mess; she hasn’t showered for days. Well, it’s not like she had anyone she needed to keep up appearances for. Everyone had left anyway. Found her to be a waste of time and a burden on their lives. She had shut off the television hours ago because nothing could actually entertain her anymore. Romantic dramas hurt too much and comedies couldn’t make her laugh no matter what. Maybe at most a cracked grin now and then but it wasn’t enough. She doesn’t watch sports and reality tv was the dumbest thing in the entire world.

 

So Jeongyeon makes a choice. It’s been sitting in the back of her mind ever since the breakup, but it was never really a thing. I mean, it was so far fetched and unrealistic that Jeongyeon just thought it was her mind playing tricks on her. Yet sitting on the damned sofa, Jeongyeon honestly didn’t think it was that bad of a decision. After all, she had nothing to live for.

 

So that night, in the quiet of the early morning and the serenity of the midnight darkness, Jeongyeon sends a quick text:

 

jeongyeonie: nayeon, i hope she makes you happy. i love you, forever and then some.

 

Seeing that Nayeon had received the text message, Jeongyeon discards the phone on the sofa. She gets up, walks over to the window and swings it open, letting the fresh breeze into the apartment. Jeongyeon looks back one more time at the apartment, taking in the living room, kitchen, toilet and bedroom. A couple of images flash across her mind, reminding her of how it could’ve been. If only she was good enough.

 

Jeongyeon takes a deep breath.

 

She takes the leap.


End file.
